December 2008

Monthly Archive

Tue 23 Dec 2008

Alien/Robots are alive and well and taking over the world one Bank of America online chat at a time!

Posted by abby under The World Is Ending and Other
1 Comment 

If I ever had amazing proof that alien/robots were indeed taking over the world and that they were starting their big takeover in the American banking system  – then here it is.

Please enjoy this weirdly insane, Instant Message conversation I had with my friendly (alien!!!) Bank of America instant messenger banking specialist:

……………………………………………………………………

Welcome to an online chat session at Bank of America. Please hold while we connect you to the next available Bank of America Online Banking Specialist. Your chat may be monitored and recorded for quality purposes. Your current wait time is approximately 0 minutes. You are currently 1 in queue. Thank you for your patience.

Chat InformationThank you for choosing Bank of America. You are now being connected to a Bank of America Online Banking Specialist.
Lucas: Hello! Thank you for being a valued Bank of America customer! My name is Lucas.  I will be delighted to  assist you with your Checking and Savings accounts. (delighted is a very strong word Lucas)
Lucas: May I have your complete name as it appears in your accounts?
You: Abigail
Lucas: A very warm welcome to Online Chat, Abigail.
Lucas: How are you doing today?
You: thanks
You: good
Lucas: Great!
Lucas: Your concerns are important to us. How may I help you?
You: I just accidentally transferred money from my savings account to my credit card
You: but I meant to put into my checking
You: can I stop this
Lucas: I understand that you would like to stop the transfer you have made to your Credit card account. (I think that’s what I just said…yes)
You: yes
Lucas: Okay! (Ok.. calm down now)
Lucas: Please do not worry. Let me research that for you.
You: thanks
Lucas: You are welcome!
Lucas: Abigail, may I please know the last four digits of the account  you are referring?
You: the checking?
You: or the credit card
Lucas: The account from which you have transferred.
You: XXXX (I’m not posting my bank account number foolz!)
You: is the last four digits of the account
You: i transferred from
Lucas: Thank you for providing the information.
Lucas: May I know the amount of the transfer?
You: $xxx
Lucas: Okay!
Lucas: Abigail, I see that the transfer has been initiated for your account. I apologize you are unable to place the stop payment on the transfer once initiated. However, you are able to transfer the funds back to account form your Credit card account.
You: you can?
You: how do you do that
Lucas: I will definitely provide the information where you are able to do that. (ok, definitely provide it then!)
Lucas: Abigail,    even though I do not deal with the credit card accounts, I will definitely provide the direct phone number where you can get the best and quick assistance.
Lucas: I want customers to get quick assistance, as your time is valuable to us.
Lucas: May I provide the direct number for you?
You: sure
Lucas: I will be very much pleased to do that for you. (Really? ok)
Lucas: I request you to call our Credit Card services at 1.800.732.9194 to get best and quick assistance.
Lucas: I sincerely apologize, much as I wanted to have your issue resolved over chat, I am having you to call us.
Lucas: I certainly don’t intend to pass on any incorrect information to you. Therefore, I have suggested you to call us at the above mentioned number. (it’s ok Lucas… I understand your pain)
Lucas: please note while we make every effort to assist our customers who contact us by Live Chat, there are certain situations, which require a conversation with a specialized department.
Lucas: Please be assured that we know your time is valuable to you, and we would not direct you to contact us by telephone, unless it were absolutely necessary to resolve the situation. (It’s ok Lucas, it will be…ok)
Lucas: Buttering (….like bread?)
Lucas: I am very happy to have been of assistance to a valued customer like you.
Lucas: You’ve been very patient and co-operative. I really appreciate it.
Lucas: I see that you have been with us for some time now, I just want to say thank you very much for your esteemed relationship with us.
Lucas: We value your banking relationship and want to provide the level of service you expect and deserve. I apologize that we are unable to accommodate your request at this time.
Lucas: I’m  really glad to have been of assitance to you today. (Yes, you’ve said that already)
Lucas: Thank you so much for your appreciation. We strive to give the best customer service. We gauge our services through our valuable customers like you.
Lucas: You’ve been very co-operative. I really appreciate it. (What do you think would happen if I wasn’t being cooperative? Death by laser!)
Lucas: Your account security is highest priority for me (where did that come from?)
Lucas: I am very happy to make you feel happy. (Umm.. I don’t think that’s appropriate)
Lucas: I would be very happy if you are happy.
Lucas: I am very happy that your query is resolved.
Lucas: I wish you a Merry Christmas in advance. (Antisemitic alien!)
Lucas: It was a pleasure chatting with you today. Have a pleasant day and take care.
Lucas: I am reallly proud of being assistance to a valued customers like you. (Aliens never know how to spell)
Lucas: I wish you and your family  a  Wonderful Christmas!
Lucas: I wish you a wonderful day ahead! (I think there is an easier less alien way to say that)
Lucas: I am Bank of America associate working in India. (READ: MARS!)
Lucas: have a happy weekend ahead.
Lucas: Bussiness (like.. school bussiness? public bussiness?)
Lucas: even though I do not deal with the business accounts, I will definitely provide the direct phone number where you can get the best and quick assistance.
Lucas: I want customers to get quick assistance, as your time is valuable to us. (if my time is so valuable why are you still talking ?)
Lucas: We are available form 7 am to 7 pm Monday through Friday and 7 am to 4pm Saturday and Sunday.
Lucas: I see that the account you are referring is the Business account. (no its not)
Lucas: I request you to call us at 1.888.287.4637 to get the best and quick assistance.
Lucas: May I provide the direct number for you?
Lucas: Credit card
Lucas: even though I do not deal with the credit card accounts, I will definitely provide the direct phone number where you can get the best and quick assistance. (so definitely fucking provide it!)
Lucas: I want customers to get quick assistance, as your time is valuable to us.
Lucas: I request you to call our Credit Card services at 1.800.732.9194 to get best and quick assistance. (this is now the 3rd telephone number I’ve gotten)
Lucas: I sincerely apologize, much as I wanted to have your issue resolved over chat, I am having you to call us.
Lucas: I certainly don’t intend to pass on any incorrect information to you. Therefore, I have suggested you to call us at the above mentioned number.
Lucas: I hope you understand that.
You: sort of
Lucas: I really appreciate your understanding.
You: thanks
Lucas: Thank you for understanding me. (I am a robot trapped in the body of an alien, trapped in the body of an Indian telemarketer – if you understand than help me!)
Lucas: You are welcome!
Lucas: Is there anything else that I may assist you with?
Lucas: Abigail,  you are very nice customer!
Lucas: Thank you for being such a nice customer!
Lucas: I wish you and your family  a  Wonderful Christmas!
Lucas: It was a pleasure chatting with you today. Have a pleasant day and take care.
Lucas: I wish you a wonderful day ahead!
Lucas: Thank you for choosing Bank of America’s Text Chat Service! We appreciate and value your business and have a wonderful day!
Lucas: To safeguard any personal information, please close this window, by clicking the “Close” button in the upper right corner of the chat window.
I only know of one other Lucas and yup.. he was a robot. Oh wait I’m thinking of Daryl.
 

Mon 15 Dec 2008

The World Might Just Be OK!

Posted by abby under The World Is Ending and Other
1 Comment 

It’s been way too long since I posted anything. I’m not sure what my problem has been – school, work, blah blah. No more excuses! However, how can one posting cover the past month and a half?  So much has gone on, the economy is in the can, it’s scary as all hell, every one’s getting bailed out except Main Street (how annoying is that new term?), Beyonce’s new accessory channels the likeness of the 6 Million Dollar Man! There’s almost too much to talk about so instead of approaching any of those subjects, I’d like to mention this topic that came to mind yesterday while doing laundry.

What happened to Ring Around the Collar? Remember when it was such a big deal? It was all the laundry commercials wanted to talk about – Ring Around the Collar. It had been reeking havoc for years! Finding innocent shirts when they least expected it and targeting them in their most vulnerable of places.

To be very honest, I have NO idea what Ring Around the Collar even is. I recall being a young person wondering what that meant and actually looking forward to the day that I found out. Of course I would be prepared to attack this monstrous adversary at its first sign of intrusion – meeting it head on with its mortal enemy. Wisk!

But now.. no.. nothing. I don’t understand? Does Ring Around the Collar not exist anymore? Did we beat it? We took on Ring Around the Collar and …. we won? Amazing. Technology never ceases to amaze me. What’s next? Bring it on! If we can beat Ring Around the Collar I’m convinced we can beat anything! World hunger, war, cancer, reality television! I don’t know about you but I’m excited for the future.