thesuccub.us

In the past few days there have been some very serious signs of the inevitable Robot-Alien Invasion. I will now count the ways:

1. On Thursday, the electricity went out in my office building. To be fair, they were doing work on something and hit a power line or something legitimate, however, at the time this seemed CRAZY. Picture yourself and your entire office powered down: no Internet, no lights in some parts of the building, your smart phones which are probably linked to “the system” down meaning no emails! How do you even communicate?! You are forced to talk amongst yourselves over your cold lunch because, naturally, there is no microwave.

(OK despite there being a logical explanation for the power outage… what followed is what really blew my mind.)

2. In speaking to a vendor on Friday located in Buffalo, NY, my phone cuts out. He calls back and apologizes to me (here I think it’s my fault because our phones had been weird since the power issue) No, he says, I’m sorry, my power has been going out all day.

3. I go to grab a cup of coffee from Catalina on Washington to find them crazed! Their credit card machine has been down all day and they will have to manually write down the card number!

4. In chatting with my Jazzercise teacher she says she has not gotten any emails on her phone all day, but has had multiple emails when she actually checked. (this is weird, c’mon)

5. I get into my car to find that all of my pre-programmed radio stations are gone! All new radio stations have replaced them, and they are all bad country.

6. In doing the laundry on Sunday, I spill bleach all over the floor!

OK number 6 has nothing to do with anything, however, it still sucked.

PS check out Crystal Jackson’s blog for more on how the world is ending.

I know, I am always behind the times. Robs and I finally watched the Katie Perry “California Gurls” video.  (PS you can’t embed the video by Youtube rules, probably because KP’s record label knows it will be ridiculed all over the interweb). This may, or may not, be the worst song ever written. I’m going with “may.”

That being said, Robs and I decided that the below is a much better video/artistic endeavor..

“There are no good restaurants around here. I mean, there’s Popeye’s but there are no other really good… See I consider myself to be a.. a… connoisseur of foods. But not… just any food. I like good food.”

So I just got back from a whirlwind trip to the ‘ol NYC. The trip was filled with heightened emotions for a variety of reasons that I won’t go into here. All in all it was a good trip, much better than I could have hoped for. Here’s the highlights (and lowlights).

High – meeting up with Joanna (!!!) at the posh/hipster Ace hotel.
Low – not feeling cool enough to be there, twelve dollar wine.

High – Getting up at 6:30am to join Harry and the Korean’s watch Korea kick Greece’s rear in soc.. er.. football.
Low – being drunk by 8am, wait no, that goes under high.

High – Madison Square Park BBQ
Low – massive amounts of fat people, eating BBQ = am I still in Houston?

High – Getting totally lost for an hour trying to find Rob and Ben in the LES (yes, this is a high because it means I haven’t changed at all)
Low – Topshop. Are you serious? I was so excited for this store and it is basically an overpriced H&M

High – Seeing everyone I love and many surprise guests atop a roof deck bar on a beautiful night
Low- Cash only? C’mon!

High – Long Beach, sunshine, Jess has a 50 year old boyfriend, Rob get his favorite pizza, Angel, Danny, Rachel, bagels, running in the morning on the boardwalk along the beach, the resurgence of Rob’s Strong Island accent, the crazy old couple yelling at eachother about umbrellas
Low – sun burns

High – only in NY can you go to a restaurant where they put a bowl of pickles on the table before you even sit down. Oh yeah, and black and white cookies
Low – Rob, why did you let me eat that whole black and white cookie?!

High – Adam, Tom, Tracy, Courtney all in one shot!
Low – How did I get stuck with this bill?

High – Pat!!!! From NY1!!! How I’ve missed you so.
Low – the smallest hotel room ever

High – Grandma! Bagels! Jersey corn! Never ending food! Tennis with dad and not playing all that awful considering it’s been 8 years since I last played
Low – this will go unmentioned

High – Seeing my entire family and all my best friends together in one place to celebrate my incredibly wonderful sister
Low – why we were all there

High – Tori and Oscar on the beach at night running around in the waves
Low – that was the last night in NY

As you can see it was an awesome trip, with goods and bads. We even got lucky enough to catch a flick and an insane homeless woman on the subway screaming about people honking their horns too loudly while she is trying to sleep… on the sidewalk, and I got to see two cops kick two passed out drunk men on the street (yes! I’m home!).

While it’s nice to come home and wash my clothes and have my things and sleep in my own bed, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t sad to be back here. Vacations always go so quickly, but this one seemed to be over before it even began. If nothing else though, it made me grateful for the people in my life I will try not to forget it.

So Rob updated some sort of WordPress something or other and as he was posting the upgrade/update, the word “Roll Back” appeared somewhere in a sentence that ended in a click “back or continue.” Naturally, this “roll back” had nothing to do with a great price on Kitty Litter at Walmart, it meant, erase your past two month’s posts.

So, two months of posts gone. Good thing I had absolutely nothing worth posting anyway.

Do one in three women really have daily light bladder leakage? Like, everyday or… every few days or…?

And can it really be triggered just by sneezing, or coughing, among other “triggers.” Like stress? Are you telling me now, that if I’m stressed, among all the other crappy things I’ve learned that stress does from TV, Cortisol fat belly issues, headaches ; and now, stress! Stress might  just make me pee in my pants? Awesome.

Saying it in Spanish doesn’t change the fact that you are comparing nothing AND/y nothing.

thank God you translated into espanol, Lowes

We just moved to our new house, so I apologize for being remiss (as if anyone actually reads this). The house is a mess still, but again, we just moved in so I will give myself at least a month to start freaking out about that. The good news is this: we got AT&T UVerse, because we couldn’t get a regular DSL modem (this purchase was strictly because of internet), and the salesman was trying to get me to buy 300 channels, to which I said, no thanks.

So we got the smaller package, which just so happens to have Soapnet! I have been wanting Soapnet since its incarnation for no other reason than reruns of Beverly Hills 90210 and now I have it. Brenda’s crazy-crooked eye is mine 7 days a week! And life will never be the same…

I have been meaning to mention Fun Fair Positive Soccer on thesuccub.us for a while now. If you are not a Texan you may not have heard of such a thing. It’s pretty much what it sounds like.

Fun Fair Positive Soccer. Every player gets on the field, no matter how soccerly-challenged. Everybody wins! There are no losers in FFPS. Their slogan is “Soccer With a Greater Goal.” Umm.. I don’t know about you but in my day soccer only had one goal..and it was a big net looking thing.

Are you kidding with this? The reason kids need to be playing sports is not to feel like winners, unless of course they are. Organized sports exist to humiliate and destroy self-esteems. That’s how kids learn! We don’t need fake winners in life, there are real winners for that.

What happens in the real world when these FFPS trained children try and get jobs? Will they think that no matter who has an interview – everyone will get the job! What sort of permanent damage do you suppose Fun Fair Positive Soccer will have on these poor unsuspecting, children. Making them think life is good and fair and fun and stuff.

Do you think such a thing would even slightly exist in any other country other than America? We’re all winners here! Yay! let’s not even bother to try. In Japan they make their kids become Fun Fair Positive Kamakazis and no one’s complaining about that!

When I was a kid I never made one catch in after school softball and you know what? I was benched every game and I liked it!

Fair fun Positive Soccer.. ruining children.