thesuccub.us

Rob and I just saw this in the gas station Quick-stop. Single serve SPAM? Is this a Texan thing or has the world gone into the trash can, again?

Check out the hole at the top of the package, so if the Quick-stop wanted to hang it on on a spinning rack display or maybe if you want to hang it on your Christmas tree or something.

I know that I’m not the only Christmas-loving Jew out there but I do think that I am the biggest. The holiday season, being kicked off with my other favorite holiday Tofurky Day, just makes me giddy for no reason. Christms movies, bad Christmas music, cookies, soy-nog, getting presents, buying presents, candycanes, pine needles, Jimmy Stewart, oh yeah and a week of  vacation also helps!!! So despite it being November 22, I will start the season off with this:

As driving around Texas from a conference this past week I came across a country music station that had obviously the most amazing slogan writers ever… of all time..

“Country by choice, Texan by the good grace of God.”

Awesome.

Saying it in Spanish doesn’t change the fact that you are comparing nothing AND/y nothing.

thank God you translated into espanol, Lowes

I’m appalled and disgusted. Way to sell out your dead best friend.

RIP CF.

Here’s this other story I wanted to tell you -

Last weekend when we were returning the Uhaul, in the most ghetto part of Houston ever, we passed a church with a large billboard that said “Drive Thru-Prayers.”

I don’t know exactly what this means. I can only assume it means that you are so fat and lazy that you can’t even get out of your car to pray! And that notion is something that I wished I had taken a picture of it.

Drive through… prayers? Really, fat Houston? You are going to hell.

We just moved to our new house, so I apologize for being remiss (as if anyone actually reads this). The house is a mess still, but again, we just moved in so I will give myself at least a month to start freaking out about that. The good news is this: we got AT&T UVerse, because we couldn’t get a regular DSL modem (this purchase was strictly because of internet), and the salesman was trying to get me to buy 300 channels, to which I said, no thanks.

So we got the smaller package, which just so happens to have Soapnet! I have been wanting Soapnet since its incarnation for no other reason than reruns of Beverly Hills 90210 and now I have it. Brenda’s crazy-crooked eye is mine 7 days a week! And life will never be the same…

I just watched an old episode of American Experience in my Pop Culture class this evening on the history of Coney Island. It was definitely an interesting episode, maybe more for me, a person that has spent many a summer weekend at the slummiest-of-American-slums, the boardwalk of Coney.

(more…)

Nice skull earrings.

For as far back as I can remember there has been a violent and fierce competition between myself and “screenwriter” (sic) Diablo Cody. I’m not sure what her problem is with me but it seems that no matter what I do, DC always has to one-up me. (It’s probably due to insecurities, hers not mine).

• I get a boyfriend, she becomes a stripper.
• I graduate with a degree in screenwriting from a mildly accredited New York State University, she wins an Oscar for best original screenplay for the movie Juno. (C’mon an OSCAR? That movie was basically a long episode of My So Called Life. “He’s the cheese to my macaroni”? Hi, 1994 just called and they want their pop-culture reference back. (they also just called me and wanted that phrase back))
• I obsess over the return of my all time favorite show, Beverly Hills 90210 and me and my friends have an email chain about it, she writes about it obsessively in Entertainment Weekly to the point that they actually give her a cameo on the show! (PS the new 9-0 sucks something awful and DC is a terrible actress!)(yes that was juvenile)
• I get a hair cut, she cuts off her late 90s, Orange County, out of date, Creeper’s wearing, rockabilly-chick hairdo and dyes it orange.
• I publicly denounce HBO as the mecca of quality television, she comes out with a new “dramady” on Showtime.
• I get “recognized” by this dude in Whole Foods (I occasionally do promos for the PBS channel I work at), only to  turn the corner to find DC on the cover of one of my favorites, Bust Magazine.

But today, I have finally won, well, so to speak. In this past week’s Fall Preview issue of New York Magazine, my hero and yours Dave Edelstein, said this about my arch-nemesis’s new flick.

“Jennifer’s Body
It’s amazing how fast Diablo Cody has become a joke after near-uniform critical raves (and an Oscar) for Juno. (I loathed it.) But hotcha Megan Fox as a camp vampire putting the bite on good girl Amanda Seyfried sounds right up the obnoxious Cody’s alley. If only the baby in Juno had burst out of Ellen Page’s belly and gone for her jugular …”

I love Dave Edelstein. I consider his movie reviews to be gospel. I like to read them and then quote them about a movie I have yet to see, and pretend these ideas are mine. Now I can’t be quite sure if Dave Edelstein is saying yay or nay to this new Diabolic Cody film, (can you?) but I DO know that he is mocking her somewhat and I will take that as an official win for Team Me.

Now what’ve you got to say Diablo?? Huh? That’s what I thought.

Over here on our couch, we’re loving typing a few words into the Google search bar to see what the majority of the interneting-world is also Googling.

I was looking for some advice on how to alter a jacket so I started typing in “Can you…” Here’s what I got: